I kissed thread down your throat,
a hook at the end, to feel when you
were pulling away. You pulled away.
The hook pulled blood. I said, “dream-
Boat, heartthrob, don’t you feel that?”
You shrugged. “I am boat hull,” you
Said, “I am rock bottom.” I cried and
You looked at me. I couldn’t kiss the
sand out of your mouth.
Now, I sit in my dirty bathtub and eat
Soap. I make lists of everything you touch
In a day and am jealous of the shampoo
in your hair. The water is cold, it makes
my nipples hard, it reminds me of you.
In class, you don’t look at me. I mimic your
Self control so you’ll see how painful it is.
You raise your fingernails to your teeth
and bite down like feels good to get rid of
something that wants to protect you.
You say its just habit. I keep thinking how
You made time for me like a chore, sometimes
You looked at me like you wanted the garbage
out. I spoke to you in garbage, chanted, sports
arena, let me in; football star, pass the ball my
fingernails aren’t glass, I can catch whatever
sadness you throw my way.
“I have no team,” you said, “I don’t want
anyone to know me.” I cried so you hard you
cancelled the game.
Until we reschedule, I won’t ask the armor in museums
To talk to me, let’s sit next to each other like we don’t
know it. Don’t worry, I’m just in the bathtub to soak
some glass shard out in my foot.
I told you I was waiting. I’m not. I’m just here.
Still fighting like a little sister, still saying that you’re right,
and I’m the one that has some growing up to do.
One day I’ll outgrow you like my grandfather’s first
kiss. You’ll be the football star I once thought was Achilles.
I’ll call our breakup sex the Trojan horse. It burned me down.
Then I started new.